we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
