Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
