At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have feelings that need drinking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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