Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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