He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
