We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize