So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's blow job season.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
