Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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