i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
