I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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