Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
