I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
