Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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