i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
