Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
