just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
