i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
