i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize