I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
