Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As shirtless as possible
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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