I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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