i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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