You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
