Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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