shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is Oprah even human
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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