u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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