I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
