Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I could make wine with my vomit
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
