I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
