theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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