dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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