Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
