its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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