I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
