So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
