i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
