he thought i was a dude.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
