you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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