I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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