can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
