No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
