Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize