Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
