First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
