Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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