I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
