Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize