i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My feet surprised me
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