My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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