The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
