he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
