She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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