Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
