i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
