Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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