just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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