your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize