I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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