My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He shit in the fireplace
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
