The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
