the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
