i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
