i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
