I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
