C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
