I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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