I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
