i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize