So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
