considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
