Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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