Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
