so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
