She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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