i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize