Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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