Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
