you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He has the fingertips of a God
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