I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
