Pregnant stripper...not hot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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