After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he thought i was a dude.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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