guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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