i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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